To Catch a Leprechaun
by Tiffsababe
Summary: Diesel asks Steph for a little help in capturing a problem Unmentionable. Oneshot. For the St. Patrick's Day Challenge on the Steph Tart Stories FF Facebook page. Rated T for language.


**To Catch A Leprechaun**

**I do not own or profit from the genius that JE's work.**

If someone had told me that I would be sitting in lock up tonight, I would have slapped you upside your head. But, as with all things in my life, I most certainly was sitting in said lock up. Let's just say that a certain Detective for the Trenton Police Department is going to get his ass handed to him as soon as I get out of here. How did I find myself in this particular situation, you might ask? Well, let me explain.

This morning I woke up all bright eyed and bushy-tailed... alright, even I don't believe that. So I woke up after falling out of my bed, all too consumed in a dream about the Merrymen dancing around me in nothing but teeny-tiny jock straps in all different colors. Red, blue, green, etc. It was heaven! Bobby and Les had managed to sandwich me between their incredible sweat-slicked bodies, when Cal winked one of his stunning blue eyes at me before leaning in ever so slowly to give me a... **THUMP!**

"What the fu...?" My hand flew to my head, to gently rub away the throbbing pain. Apparently, my hard head hit my nightstand after I fell out of bed. When I realised that the nearly naked Merrymen had been nothing but a dream, I screwed my eyes shut and cursed, "Damn it! I hate when this happens."

"I can imagine." The deep voice of a man pierced the air, making me jump in fright. After I realised who it was, my slight moment of panic was replaced by anger quickly. It was none other than, the one, the only... Diesel.

"What in the hell are you doing in my apartment? I thought I told you I wanted nothing more to do with Unmentionables." I gumbled as I stumbled out of the bedroom wrapping myself in my robe and into the kitchen, looking for my morning coffee.

"It's an emergency..." Holding up a hand, I stopped him mid-sentence, as I managed to down nearly an entire cup of coffee. With a flick of my wrist, he then knew to continue, after giving me a slight smirk. "I've got a leprechaun on the loose and he's wreaking havoc. He's having way too much fun and I am up to here with it." I finally glanced up and gave Diesel a good look with clear eyes, only to burst into peals of laughter. He was holding his hand well above his head, but that isn't what made me giggle. NO! Diesel was standing in front of me, (with arms crossed over his chest), wearing matching green knickers and walking coat, a white dress shirt, white stockings, green shoes with those cute little green sparkle buckles and a bowler hat in a deep hunters green, raked jauntily on his head. He was a giant leprechaun. "See! It's horrible!"

"I... I can see... that." My giggles faded to the occasional hicup, before he continued.

"I need your help. I need to get him under control. I can't do that when he keeps trying to make me look like a freak!" With a snap of his fingers, his clothes slowly began to return to their normal state: ripped jeans, grey t-shirt and flip-flops.

"So what the hell do you want me to do about it?" I flopped down onto my piece of crap couch, waiting for his answer, knowing I wasn't going to like what he was going to suggest.

"I need for you to distract him so I can get my hands on him. He's sneaky, so I have to be sneakier." He grinned before running his hands through his shoulder length blond hair. "I want you to get his attention while I grab him from behind. Simple, clean and effective."

"When are we ever simple? Or clean? Or effective?" I deadpanned.

"True." He frowned before giving me a wide cheesy grin. Oh, God! NO! I know he's about to ask me for something and I know for sure, it's not going to be good. "Can I ask a favor?"

"You alreasy did. You asked me to help you with the little green man."

"Call Ranger and ask if you can borrow a few of his guys?" At that, my eyes went wide and I knew things were WAY worse than he let on.

"Why?" I was on my feet, hands on hips and giving him my best Burg glare.

"I thought that it would be best to have a little back up. You know... because of our luck." Then he went for the jugular. "Please?" *sigh* The twinkle in his pleading eyes left me no choice. The sound of numbers being punched into the phone, broke me from my thoughts. He held my cell up as the phone rang. Mouthing the words 'I hate you', I heard the familiar greeting.

"Yo."

"Hey, Batman."

"Babe."

"Yeah, I know. You're not really Batman. But a girl can dream, right?"

"Babe." At his tone I knew he was internally rolling his eyes at me. "What can I do for you?"

"Can I kinda borrow a couple of your men? I need some back up for a 'thing' and I thought that you could send me a couple of them so I stay safe."

"Hal, Cal and Erick are heading over now. ETA 4 minutes."

"Thanks Batman." He could probably hear the smile in my voice. "You're the best."

"No price, Babe. Remember that."

"Thanks. Don't get shot."

"Don't go crazy." I glanced down at my phone that now let out nothing but a dialtone. _Damn, I gotta break him of that._

"So, how many did he lend us?" I glared at him, remembering that he was the one that got us into this mess.

"Ranger lent _ME_ three guys. You get none." I sighed before flopping back onto the couch, covering my eyes with my arm. "So how's this going to work?"

"Yeah, hows this going to work?" I heard another very familiar voice and smiled, though I still kept my arm in place.

"Hey, Sexy."

"Hey, Angel." Removing my eyes showed me three of the finer things in life. Namely Cal, Hal and Erick. My smile made the three relax, before looking to Diesel for an explanation.

"Dudes!" Diesel and the guys all did some type of complicated fist bump-man hug-thingy, I had no hope of ever duplicating. "Yeah, so we got this real asshole I need to bring into custody." The guys looked to one another before waiting for him to continue. "Subject's name is Seamus Murphy. He's three foot two, around 75 pounds, red hair, beard, green eyes and a nasty temperment. He's sneaky and a real bastard."

"Wait a minute. You mean you want us to help you catch a midgit?" Erick asked, clearly insensed.

"Not a midgit." Diesel shook his head, his hair falling into his eyes. "He's a leprechaun." With that, the guys almost made it out the door before I spoke up stopping them in their tracks.

"Guys. I asked Ranger for your help."

"Awww, Bomber! We almost made it." Erick looked longingly at the door before sighing and turning back around to face me. "You really ask for his help?" At my nod, Cal wrapped me up in a warm hug before giving me a light kiss on the lips. Over the last few months, Erick, Hal and I have grown to be exceptionally close friends, while Cal and I had started dating a few weeks ago.

"Alright Angel. Since you asked. I'm glad you're finally thinking about your safety." I shot a quick glance at Diesel before the jig was up.

"Diesel asked for me to ask Ranger." At that the guys all gave him a small sigh before the planning began.

The plan was that we were going to lure Murphy in with a pot of gold Diesel was going to display in the middle of the St. Patty's Festival in downtown Trenton. There was a street fair, music, Irish Dancers, vendors hocking all kinds of a wares as well as a ton of food, even the requisite corned beef and cabbage. There were displays sponsored by different groups around town, set up every 50 feet or so down the blocked off street. It was perfect, no one would suspect that the content of the huge all black Rangeman cauldron would actually be 'real' gold.

We had just set up and were double checking our com systems when our target approached. Many people stopped and took pictures with Murphy, as he made his way closer and closer to the pot of gold. Cal and Hal were hidden in the rear of a t-shirt vendor's stall emblazoned with a giant rainbow, getting a great view of the bait. Erick was off to my left hiding backstage of the Irish Dancing stage, as well as checking out the local 'dancing girls'. I was behind the green beer vendor, trying to manouver to get a better view of the area. Although it was close, it was akward due to a huge clear plastic vat of green beer made to look like a gigantic mug of frosty frothy beer sitting where I needed to be standing. As always, I adapted and overcame. Meaning, I scooted off to the side and climbed atop the trailer for a bird's eye view. Diesel was no where to be seen, so I figured he was in place somewhere.

I finally noticed that Murphy had made it to the pot of gold. He did a little hop and a jig in place before looking around for an escape route. It was then that the unthinkable happened. The chucks that held the beer trailer in place shifted ever so slightly, making it roll a little to the left, bumping the giant 'beer mug' and dislodging me from my perch. Unable to stop myself, I slid off of the top and right into the giant mug with a huge splash, green beer going everywhere.

"SHIT!" I managed to shout as I gulped down mouthful after mouthful of the stale brew. Uhg! Couldn't this guy get a better beer?

Murphy watched me slide into the tank, as the guys came out from hiding and made a mad dash to grab him. Sensing that his untimely capture was imminent, Murphy squirted between Hal and Cal, ducked under Erick's legs and made a dash for freedom right by my 'treading beer' ass. In a flash, Deisel had Murphy wrapped up in a bear hug and winked at me before 'popping' himself out of the situation with his captive, the general public none the wiser. Unfortunately, the beer vendor, not having seen the capture at all, freaked out when he saw a petite woman swimming and drinking his display.

"What the hell are you doing?!" He shouted, pounding of the side of the plastic tankard. "That's nasty! You ruined my display." He turned to one of his assistants and before I knew it the other guy ran off only to bring back a couple of Trenton's finest in tow. Once they realised who it was inside the plastic mug, they radioed for help and they began to laugh. I mean _really_ laugh... hands on knees, bent over, tears coming out of their eyes kind of laughing. I sighed, thunking my head against the plastic, all the while thinking '_Why me?_'.

Cal hopped up onto Erick's shoulders, before reaching down into the vat grabbing me under my arms, hauling me out of the offensive green liquid. "You okay Bomber?" Hal asked, as he wrapped me in a huge black Rangeman towel he had retreived from his SUV. Cal hopped off of Erick's shoulders and despite being drenched in beer, enveloped me in his massive arms.

"I don't think I'll ever see green beer the same ever again." I joked, before I saw Joe. Well, honestly, I heard him before I saw him.

"Jesus Christ Cupcake! What the hell did you do this time?" I glanced up to see him stalking his way over, clearly pissed at me. Again. Shit.

"Oh, hey, Joe." I tried going for the casual greeting and small smile. Hey, sometimes it works. Stepping out of Cal's arms I indicated for us to step off to the side to talk.

"Don't you 'Oh hey, Joe' me!" His poor impression of me made me roll my eyes. "You've thoroughly embarassed me this time." He motioned to his left, indicating towards both the tv cameras and the newspaper photographer. I sighed before calling out to the photographer.

"Hey, Phil! Make sure you get my good side." I grinned and gave a small finger wave. He smiled wide and nodded, shifting his position to my other side.

"Great, now you got them on your side too?" Joe huffed out, before noticing the guys standing around me in a defensive position. "What the hell you got these goons here for?" I narrowed my eyes at him as he just dug his hole deeper and deeper. "Jesus Christ! They all look like they live in a God damn gym. Probably eat dead babies for breakfast..." I was quickly losing my temper at his rant. It was one thing to go off on me, I can be a pretty stupid person sometimes, getting in over my head at times. But it was a whole other thing to go off on the men who love and care for me, who protect me without hesitation. They were honest and upstanding citizens of this city. They never _ever_ belittled or criticized me like how Joe did. I came back to his little rant as he drove the last nail in his own coffin. "... and fuck me if I'm not the one bending you over and fucking the shit out of you like these assholes do when you get back to Manoso's place. Your time there is up. You're coming back with me and marrying me. End of story."

The three Merrymen sucked in a breath at those words. They knew exactly how I felt about my choices being taken away from me. I waited for Joe to grab my wrist and attempt to drag me away to his truck when I struck. I knew all the lessons that the guys were giving me were going to pay off. I spun around, wrenching my arms out of his weak hold and balled up my fist. It took his a split second to realise what I was about to do. He was unable to block the punch to the stomach nor the blow I landed to his face. "Don't touch me!" I screamed. "You don't get to touch me! You lost that right the moment you dropped your pants and played hide the salami with Terry." I hissed, giving the guys a pleading look. Hal and Erick were right by my side trying to guide me away. Cal was face to face with Joe, having a 'little talk' about how to treat a lady.

I managed to make it about ten steps when Joe called over to Officer Picky to cuff my ass for assaulting an officer. Shit! Picky gave me a sneer before snagging my arms behind me and slapping his cuffs around my wrists. "Don't worry Bomber. We'll get you out." Hal assured me before he assisted Erick in dragging Cal away before he wore a set of matching silver bracelets too. "We'll let Ranger know." I nodded and proceeded to walk, unaided, to Picky's squad car. Before I knew it, I watched as a murderous looking Cal screamed at Joe, all while Picky drove away.

So, I was booked. Photographed and fingerprinted. I did manage to fluff up my still damp hair a little and kind of fix my runny makeup, thanks to an sympathetic Robin Russell. I managed to look somewhat decent for my 'oh so glorious' mugshot. After I was booked, I was taken to holding until I could be bonded out or transfered to county. So this is where my story began, where we're at right now, sitting in lock up. I managed to be arrested a time when I was the lone woman in the womens holding cell. I leaned back onto the bench and closed my eyes, trying to relax while I waited. It wasn't very long before I heard a familiar voice shouting his way down the hallway. "Angel!? Angel!"

"Cal?" When he came into view, he visably relaxed and slowed to a stop right in front of me. I managed to look surprised as Cal was in handcuffs being led by a smiling Eddie. "What the hell happened?"

Eddie chuckled before nodding his head at my boyfriend. "Loverboy here lost his cool and knocked Joe out with one punch." Cal managed to look a little sheepish, despite his massive size. "Though, as I saw it, it was a clear case of self defense." I watched as Cal's eyes twinkled at Eddies statement.

"What happened?" I sighed, knowing it was probably Joe's fault without a doubt.

"Cal went off on Joe about you. Joe lost his cool and shoved Cal right in the middle of his chest. He took it and told Joe to back off. Joe didn't listen and just decided to cuff Cal right upside his head. Needless to say, one punch and it was done." I glanced at Cal who was grinning from ear to ear. "Joe's got a broken jaw and a concussion from his head hitting the pavement. Juniak is going to have a field day with his ass. He was warned to leave Rangeman and it's personnel alone, including you, Steph. Wouldn't be surprised if he gets downgraded back to traffic cop."

"Ranger's on his way with Jefferson. He's going to get us both out." I felt relieved knowing that Rangeman's lawyer was ready to get us out of a jam at a moments notice. "I had Erick call control and give a SitRep. Ranger is pissed." Even _I_ knew better than to get onto Ranger's bad side.

"Alright. Be good. Don't give Eddie any problems, okay?" I asked, leaning against the bars. His eyes softened and he looked to Eddie who nodded, before Cal leaned forward and captured my lips in a searing kiss.

Pulling away, both he and I seemed a little dazed. Eddies chuckle brought us back to reality fairly quick. "Alright Loverboy. Let's get you settled into one of the isolation cells so you won't have to scare any of the real criminals." Cal grinned and whistled When Irish Eyes are Smiling down the hall to his cell.

**A/N: This was a reward for those lovely ladies who participated in the 'sDay challenge on the Steph Tart Stories Facebook page. Thanks for submitting your entries.**


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